18th Dec 2009

You and me. When I first came in to our bedroom, I saw the bed. I really like to see our bed that way. Thanks for folding the blankets and arranging the pillows. You weren’t there when I’m home, so the touch of your hands on our bed reminds me of you. As I proceed to the shower room, I placed my toothbrush, next to yours, and filled it with the toothpaste, because I hope the toothbrush will remind you of me because I’m not there chatting with you after you return from work.

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Love and faithfulness kiss together. It is nearly impossible to find a faithful man these days. I never stop doubting, till present. If I have a son, like any other mother, I hope he will good to his lady. I don’t want to hear about Tiger Wood’s voice messages that played over Hitz.fm anymore because I know it hurts his wife, and children, and himself. I can empathize that. I thought what Tiger Wood’s action was a stupidity, and mean. I thought what Hitz.fm did was even more mean. Let’s not boast about infidelity. I heard the 8tv quickie once said: Spread the positive vibes, peps.

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A gift of joy. I’m really happy. I enjoyed shopping for little baby stuff, I enjoyed reading about parenthood, I enjoyed having little baby at this age, lastly I enjoyed the privilege to experience motherhood. Few seconds ago, my little baby in my tummy is kicking me few times, and the little baby is still kicking me still. I wonder, do you know how the kicks feel like? I used to wonder, now, I received the blessing to feel it.

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Achievement. I received a laptop bag as a gift of appreciation from my vertical boss. I thought the bag was too big for my preferences. But nah, that’s not really matter to me. My reporting boss read the compliments that he received from my vertical boss aloud in my workstation. He then wrote me and email to thank me and encouraged me to keep up the good work. It’s such a good feeling. I want to freeze this feeling, keep it in my memory, and retrieve it whenever work is tough. Keep going and shinning, Pauline!

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At present. I sensed a little bit stress right now, and I knew where the sources came from. I have so many complaints that I want to voice out, but I refused to let them out from my mouth because I believe it’s silly and bring no points. It’s just not a wise action. It’s just not one of the steps that will add more happiness, over-whelming joy in my life, so why do I want to do it? But yeah, I can’t run away from feeling blue when I think about those things that bothered me. But I choose to be happy. I said it before to myself: Fight for your happiness, Pauline – even when times are bad.

Life sucks, sometimes, because they are things that happen beyond my control that appear perhaps at the wrong time. So, I thought, I don’t want to live tomorrow like today. I want to improve, to be better, and to make a difference. I want to count my blessings, name them one by one, and live life with no regrets.

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xoxo,

pauline yap.

26th Nov 2009

It was at 6AM that I arise because I couldn't sleep anymore after the 7 hours on the bed. Rolling on the bed, the thought of making the breakfast for him and me crossed my mind. After thoughts, I rose, with the goal of transforming thought into reality.

It was a warm feeling - greeted by Einstein, my little best friend wagged his tail excitedly as when I opened the gates to switch on the pipe water. Elisha stared at me for a period of time. I smiled and told them "No, it's not the time yet, sleep more". My heart say no, but I closed the door. Once, hubby said it's important that puppies eat/sleep/eat medicine at a fixed time. Eventually, puppies will poo at the right time too. Sometimes, I break the rule - him too. Once in a blue moon. Twice in a blue moon. But a blue moon.

I fried two eggs, boiled vege, boiled noodle. Drained them, and mixed them together with the instant noodle's flavour. The breakfast was served with a cup of hot milo. I washed grapes with salt water and put it into the fridge (for cool sensation). We had grapes in the car.

It's a last working day of the week. Excitement is in the air. I appreciate it because it doesn't come naturally all the time.

Thank God, thank God for everything.

Till I see You

The greatest love that anyone could ever know

That overcame the cross and grave to find my soul

And 'til I see You face to face and grace amazing takes me home

I'll trust in You

With all I am I'll live to see Your kingdom come

And in my heart I pray You'd let Your will be done

And 'til I see You face to face and grace amazing takes me home

I'll trust in You

I will live to love You

I will live to bring You praise

I will live a child in awe of You

You are the voice that calls the universe to be

You are the whisper in my heart that speaks to me

And 'til I see You face to face and grace amazing takes me home

I'll trust in you

You alone are God of all

You alone are worthy Lord

And with all I am my soul will bless Your name

xoxo
pauline yap

Puppies, please get well soon.

1. To clean the wound, I will use warm water and put 1 small spoon of salt and soak it with cloth and apply it on the wound.

2. To disinfect the bacteria and promote recovery to her wound, I will take another cloth and apply it with iodine to apply it on the wound.

3. To ensure that the infection will spread slower, if she scratch her wound when hubby and I are not around, I take another cloth and wash it mild soap and wipe her four legs, and take tissue to dry her four legs.

4. To ensure that her crate is clean all the time and she is comfortable, I will change towel that she use to keep herself warm on twice daily basis and advise hubby to clean the litter tray whenever it is no longer dust-free.

5. To ensure that there will be enough clothes for all the activities 1-4, I will hand-wash the clothes.

HONESTLY, I'm tired of doing these activities. But I will try to press on it everyday, and renew my mind each time when I start the activity 1. I can't fake it because she know it. Prior to starting activity 1, I will set a positive mood in my mind. Elisha felt it along the way. My best friend, she can sense my emotion by the tone of voice that I use, and the words that I use.

Really.

How often I take things for granted. I miss the time when her skin was healthy. Sometimes, while relaxing in my sofa, how I wish the wound will not popped up at all. But this is just another wish...

In the meantime, I try to make sure that Einstein's health is not being neglected. I can't afford to have both of them sick at the same time. So I'm thankful that Einstein's skin is showing a lot of improvement after we gave him the medicine. But I'll need to get him fish oil. I read that it will help his skin health. Hopefully it's not too expensive. Then I will need to communicate with hubby to assist in bathing him, twice a week (if this is necessary), start the bathing treatment and apply the baby oil on him.

Puppies, please get well soon.

xoxo
pauline yap

Just calculated this month's budget for both me and hubby. I let him view the spreadsheet. This month was better compared to last month, I think it was because I cut down on less credit when it comes to grocery shopping. I have faith that next month's budget will look more desirable, hee hee.

One of my puppy, elisha is currently unwell due to her skin's infection. Seeing her condition brought my spirit down. But I'm comforted after each time when I finished praying for her. I'm doing my level best to provide her the best food and clean shelter. I hope she will recover well soon. Personally, the puppy elisha is like part of my household, she is like part of my family. She is like my baby. I have so many babies in my life! xD

I'm currently waiting for email reply for hubby and also for the porridge that I made for the puppies to cool down. In half an hour time, I'll be meeting a circle of my church friends for prayer meeting. Hope there will be many who will be joining us soon. The bigger the crowd, the merrier! Agree? You tell me.

xoxo,
pauline yap

Keria

I know it's been a while since I last wrote. Been really busy recently. But, busy is good? You decide.
I miss my hubby right now, and sometimes it feels like we are still dating, one reason, well, I don't get to spend a lot of time with him =/
But well, thank God for everything.

I made keria kentang yesterday. Man, the result is bad, but I made a good move, out of the big dough, I just made 6 pieces. Hubby asked how I made the hole in the middle of the keria. I actually didn't made any hole because I tried and it looks really ugly so I roll it like a hotdog and then round it up. Ta da! that's my keria. We shared the first 3 pieces and I reckoned hubby to throw the remaining 3 pieces, but he was so sweet, he said he wanna eat it because his wifey made for him. Owww. Melts. Pauline melted.

Man! - I followed the receipe, everyone in the website commented that the receipe was great. But how come mine turned up otherwise? Well, well. Oh, I remembered, there is one person who wrote that after few trying then only it work out well. Maybe it will apply the same for me too. Yes! think positive girl, there you go.

When I was away from working and writing entries here, I spent my time reading articles, e-learning, attended self-help class, found receipes, tried to cook (and actually cook), spent ample time with puppies (especially elisha because she was spayed on 7th November 2009), and . I took the pictures because I want to motivate myself. You see, cooking is actually a new hobby that I picked up because I have to, I want to and I love to.

Okay, till next entries. On the last note, I would like to write...

I'm gonna be a mummy in approximately 3 months time!!! xD

xoxo,
pauline yap

Whatever it takes

Each time the opportunity arise, when this song is play over the radio station or in some shopping complex, I will listen to it, carefully, each words. In nutshell, I enjoy the song. It's called "whatever it takes" sang by Lifehouse.

Do you agree that you make a song your favourite because it relates to you?

Someone very close to my heart once sang this song to me, in a pretty dark room. As I looked into his eyes and listen to the music that accompanied his voice, tears eventually fall out from my eyes. I was in emotional state. His eyes, they were river of tears.

It was a moment of renewal that will always be in my memory. When this song is played, my memory retrieve the moment.

Few times, I wish I could freeze the moment and never doubt his sincerity or anyone, as a matter of fact.

Have you ever reflected on life and felt that there is no one being truly sincere in the friendship or relationship bond that you had?

Have you then questioned your own sincerity in your own friendship or relationship?

Do you know HOPE is what keeps all of us moving forward?

I hope he was real.

I hope he meant it.

I hope he remember...

I hope he loves,

and keep,

and cherish things that he loves.

I hope till to date.

Lyrics | Lifehouse Lyrics | Whatever It Takes Lyrics

xoxo
pauline yap

Obedience n sayin YES

Have you heard the story about Jonah stucked in a fish stomach? It was one of the interesting stories in the bible when God said YES but Jonah said NO. And because Jonah said NO, he was stucked in the fish stomach for days.

I remembered when I said NO to God in the situation when I need to forgive and love back those who hurt me. My enemies.

I was stucked in the fish stomach. The smell was 'fishy' and it was very uncomfortable. But because for His glory, because He loves me, because He needs me to be obedient, He decided to put me there. I cried helplessly when I was there.

Until and unless I said YES, then I'm there.

In this world, people likely label you stupid if you forgive your enemies because we have pride and our human ego. Sometimes, the one that hurt you laugh at you when you forgive him or even take more advantage against you.

It's not easy to understand God's way. But I have this faith that no one can give an everlasting joy and peace, other than Him.

I guess, when I finally meet Him, I'll understand clearly.

xoxo
pauline yap

God Is Not About YOUR Success

I relinquish the control of my life. Lord, I surrender. Please take full control of my life.

I'm fully aware that "Unless the Lord builds the house, it's builder labour in vain. Unless the Lord watches over the city, the watchmen stand guard in vain. In vain you rise early and stay up late, toiling for food to eat - for he grants sleep to those he loves" (Ps 127:1-2).

And I read, "I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. The man who loves his life will lose it, while the man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life" (John 12:24-26)

Let Your word remains in my heart and guide me as I walk the path in this earth, Amen.

xoxo
pauline yap

Lil' baby - 5months and 2 weeks!

So far, for little baby, we bought the baby cot package, breast-pump, and 2 set of baby clothes.

We still need to get a changing diaper table and a car-seat. And many more items, I guess.

Hmmph.

But as of now, we try to get the basic and important items first. Baby stuff is pricey, these days. We try to get the best items at the best price. We hoped the items last longer and provide unspeakable comfort to little baby.

We hoped we can go through this financially.

And importantly, we hoped that we will be a good earthly parent to little baby.

xoxo

pauline yap

I wish you are here with me. now.

As I looked into the WIDE sky, I wish you are here with ME.

I wish we would have work in a same timezone. I miss you.

I wish I could spend time with you. I wish NOW.

I wish you are here.

As I ponder and think about what God holds for our life

I wonder how would it be like in years to come.

I wonder how would it feel like to stand in heaven's door or be in heaven?

I thought about the conversations.

I thought about the petty fights.

What are their worth?

Would what you said or planned come true?

Would what I hoped for...will turns into reality?

Would what we dreamed of, last forever?

I find comfort in Saviour's arms.

I wish you are here.

I don't want to raise the kids alone.

But. I understand. I understand.

So, I'll be there.

In my eyes, some things are impossible.

But in the eyes of the Saviour, things are possible.

As I looked into the wide sky again.

I wish you are here with me.

I miss you. Tonight.

xoxo

pauline yap